For those of you who were Backstreet Boys fans, you know the rest of that sentence is “of being lonely”. Lonely is a word that has been used in so many different situations during my 20 years of living. What it all boils down to is this: there are three true forms of loneliness. You can be lonely in the sense that you are far from God. Nothing is more fulfilling than a close relationship with our Maker himself. There’s loneliness in the sense of “hey, it’s Friday night and I’m home alone. Again. Cool” (this is usually the category I’m in). Then there’s the lonely you feel when you don’t even seem to be close with yourself (I’ll explain that a little later).
The first kind of lonely is common in the life of a Christian girl in college. Or ever. Homework, friends, television…anything, really, seems to trump that time with God. Before this year began, I made one big resolution for myself. Which, was silly in itself. Everyone knows that resolutions tend to be broken. Anyways, I just got this new Bible and in the back was a year long reading plan. I saw that an immediately knew that was something I wanted to do. I’ve always wanted to read through the entire Bible, and this was the perfect time to start. Well, it’s February 17th, and I’m almost exactly a month behind. So there goes that plan. Now it’s time to start catching up. You see, when I made that plan, I was on break from school and therefore didn’t have anything but free time. Somehow, when our schedules fill up, we forget that God always comes first. Always. A life without God just leaves this hole that nothing else can truly fill. Loneliness.
The next kind of lonely is the kind you feel when you’re sitting home alone on a Friday night. Every Friday night, to be more specific. This is the kind that makes you question just about everything that makes you who you are. I was in that place for a long time. You sign on to Facebook, see all your ‘friends’ posting pictures of their fun weekend plans, and there you are, on your couch. Just you, Netflix, and your pals Ben and Jerry. In the grand scheme of things, this type of loneliness actually connects back to that first one. As cliche as it is, you are never truly alone with God on your side. So when you’re wondering where you went wrong, send up a prayer. God will answer. However, if you’re like me, you might actually just have to step out of your hermit tendencies and reach out to people yourself. Realizing that has done wonders for me. Someone else might want to feel wanted just as much as you do. Just reach out.
The last type of lonely deals with your sense of self worth. Basically, these all tie together in some way or another. Your self worth can come from one of two places: God or your peers. Option two is the one that will leave you lonely and, quite frankly, sad. You’ll begin to feel empty every time a day goes by and no one has texted you or every Friday night you’re left alone while everyone else has the time of your life. A subcategory of your peers would also be a significant other, and I’ve been known to make that mistake once or twice. Placing your worth in a relationship with someone you’ve been dating a week, a month, or even a year can be a dangerous thing. It puts you in this endless cycle of disappointment. Then, if this isn’t the guy (or girl) God intended you to spend the rest of your life with, then you’re suddenly in this slump as you desperately cling to anyone you may even be slightly interested in, hoping they’ll fill that gap. Hoping they’ll make you feel good enough.
None of these are anything to be ashamed of. In fact, call up a friend right now and ask them if they’ve ever felt (or are currently feeling) lonely in any one of these ways. Maybe that will bring you closer and you can finally get rid of that Netflix account. Or, you might get laughed at because the person on the other end is currently trying to be strong. That’s a dangerous thing. Watch out for people who are hiding their loneliness in order to feel strong or superior. They tend to be the most vulnerable and in need of the most love. So if there’s anything I can pass on to you, it’s this: loneliness is normal. In fact, acknowledging your loneliness is one of the bravest things you can too. Talking about it with someone else is basically an act of heroism. Basically. Don’t quote me on that. My challenge to you today is to FACE LONELY. You’ll be glad you did.
Facing Fearless 